The Wise Mind Approach: Balancing Emotion and Logic in Decision-Making

Understanding DBT Wise Mind: Making Balanced Decisions

I found that in my work with clients there are many times when the biggest obstacle someone kind find themselves in could be indecision. Many factors can go into indecision: fear of failure, having a caregiver who critiqued or made decisions for you, having impossible standards for yourself, perfectionism, fear of what others may say or think… the list can go on and on. One main reason we find ourselves without the ability to make a move in our life is because we are either leaning too much on our logical thinking or on our feelings. Both can create indecision. When I was working with clients, I started using a DBT practice called Wise Mind.

In this blog post we will look at what is Wide Mind, how does it help indecision, and what can we do to honor all parts of our brain.

What is Wise Mind?

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Wise Mind represents the integration of emotional mind and reasonable mind – a balanced state where you can make decisions that honor both your feelings and logical thinking.

The Three States of Mind:

• Emotional Mind: When emotions control your thoughts and behavior. Decisions are based primarily on how you feel in the moment.

• Reasonable Mind: When logic, facts, and rational thinking dominate. Emotions are set aside to focus on objective information.

• Wise Mind: The ideal balance where emotional and reasonable minds meet. This state acknowledges your feelings while considering facts and long-term consequences.

How Wise Mind Helps When You’re Stuck

When facing difficult decisions or feeling stuck, Wise Mind offers a path forward by:

1. Breaking Decision Paralysis

Wise Mind helps you recognize when you’re caught in either extreme – overthinking (reasonable mind) or reacting impulsively (emotional mind). This awareness creates space to find balance.

2. Honoring All Parts of Your Experience

Instead of ignoring your emotions OR dismissing practical realities, Wise Mind validates both. This integrated approach often reveals solutions that satisfy multiple needs.

3. Accessing Your Intuition

Wise Mind connects you with your deeper intuition and values, which can guide decisions when pure logic or emotions leave you confused.

Practicing Wise Mind Decision-Making

Step 1: Recognize Your Current State

Ask yourself: “Am I in Emotional Mind, Reasonable Mind, or Wise Mind right now?” Notice physical sensations, thought patterns, and impulses that indicate which state is dominant.

Step 2: Find Balance Through Mindfulness

• Take a few deep breaths to center yourself

• Observe your emotions without judgment

• Note the facts and logical considerations

• Allow space for both to exist simultaneously

Step 3: Ask Wise Mind Questions

When facing a decision, consider:

• What do my emotions tell me about what matters in this situation?

• What do the facts and evidence suggest is the most effective path?

• What would my wisest self-advise?

• Will this choice align with my values and support my well-being in the long run?

Practical Exercises to Develop Wise Mind

Stone Flake on the Lake

Imagine yourself as a stone flake, resting on a calm lake. As thoughts and feelings arise, notice them without becoming attached. Feel yourself settling into the stillness of Wise Mind.

The Wise Mind Chair

Designate a specific chair or space for accessing Wise Mind. When you need to make a decision, sit there and intentionally adopt a Wise Mind perspective.

Three-Minute Wise Mind Check-In

Before making important decisions:

• Minute 1: Notice your emotions. What are you feeling?

• Minute 2: Consider the facts. What do you know objectively?

• Minute 3: Listen for Wise Mind. What integrated wisdom emerges?

Signs You’re in Wise Mind

• You feel centered rather than reactive

• Your decision considers both short and long-term consequences

• You can acknowledge emotions while not being controlled by them

• There’s a sense of “rightness” that encompasses both feeling and thinking

• You’re aligned with your core values

Common Obstacles to Wise Mind

High Emotional Intensity

When emotions are overwhelming, use crisis survival skills first (like TIPP: Temperature change, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Progressive muscle relaxation) before attempting to access Wise Mind.

Rigid Thinking

Notice black-and-white or all-or-nothing thoughts. Practice finding the middle path that acknowledges complexity.

External Pressures

When others demand immediate decisions, practice assertively taking the time you need to consult your Wise Mind.

Remember

Wise Mind is always available to you, even when it feels distant. With practice, you can learn to access this balanced state more quickly and consistently, especially during challenging decisions. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes to make decisions from this integrated perspective.

Living your life includes making important life decisions and enjoying the ups and downs, the uncertainty, and the joys that come with making a choice for yourself. The greatest feeling I have as a clinician is when a client makes a decision and trusts their own mind to make that choice. How truly validating and empowering it is when you make a decision purely for yourself—choosing what you believe is best for your own life!