The Hidden Barrier in Your Marriage: Unexpressed Feelings

In my work as a relationship therapist, I often encounter couples who feel disconnected despite living under the same roof. One of the most common reasons for this emotional distance? The inability or reluctance to communicate feelings openly with each other. Communicating our emotions can be vulnerable but it is also the way we connect and can have a better understanding of each other.

Why We Hold Back

Many of us struggle to express our emotions for various reasons:

• Fear of vulnerability or rejection

• Past experiences where sharing feelings led to conflict

• Belief that our partner should “just know” how we feel

• Concern about burdening our partner with our emotions

The Cost of Silence

When we don’t communicate our feelings, several things happen:

• Assumptions and misunderstandings multiply

• Emotional intimacy decreases

• Resentment builds up over time

• Partners begin to feel like roommates rather than lovers

Breaking the Pattern

Here are some practical steps to start expressing your feelings more effectively:

1. Start small: Begin with simple emotions and everyday situations

2. Use “I feel” statements instead of accusations

3. Choose appropriate timing for important conversations

4. Practice emotional awareness through journaling

5. Acknowledge your partner’s responses without judgment

Creating a Safe Space

For emotional communication to flourish, both partners need to contribute to creating a safe environment where feelings can be shared without fear of criticism or dismissal. This means:

• Listening without immediately trying to fix or solve

• Validating each other’s emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them

• Showing appreciation when your partner opens up

• Being patient with the process

The Role of Professional Support

Sometimes, couples need additional support to develop these communication skills. Working with a couples therapist can provide tools and strategies specific to your relationship’s needs. I am trained in something called Emotionally Focused Therapy and have really enjoyed guiding couples through the process of connecting on a deeper level.

Moving Forward

Remember that developing emotional communication is a process and everyone begins at different places. Start today by sharing one feeling with your partner, even if it feels uncomfortable. The more you practice, the easier it becomes, and the stronger your connection will grow.

Building emotional intimacy through open communication takes time and courage, but the rewards of a deeper, more authentic connection with your spouse are worth every vulnerable moment.